The Greatest Loss

I admire...
Your ability to hold on... 

I admire.... 
To Hide your feelings... Even when your heart is yearning for it....

You show a lot of Maturity .... May be you are born that way.... 

I am weak.... Many times i can't hold on to the longing....

I admire... 

Your ability to hold on... So that i am not disturbed or moved away from the path....

If I did not write this for you... 

Then a great portion of this life time would go waste... 
All the true feelings you had would go meaningless...
All your longing would never find its destination...

Any way I had understood at a every early stage the destination of your longing was not me.... I knew It is for something far away ... far and far away.... far beyond the clouds .... In the Infinite.'...

Looks like you got a glimpse of your destination....  That is not me.....

When my big mind is feeling happy for it... My small Me in me is melting for this loss....

I understand how much you would have waited for years....

For a Call.. For a message... Just a Signal from me that i remembered you....
Many time you expressed shamelessly.....
Many times you became a mother for me.....
How may times you were more than a child with me....

I know...
You Felt Ignored....
You Felt Used...
You Felt Alone...

But it took me so many years to understand.... 

I was and am still in the fight between the feelings and the rights and wrongs or life....
I was many times confused... 

But some where in the corner of my heart i knew you love me so much... For Sure after God, For you i was the most important and most loved person in this planet...

But want to tell you today ... Many times when i was asked to remember a person whom i love most after God it is you who you are there.....

I know now something has changed its direction.... It has moved to the right direction of the divine... Your true love has reached its right place....

Some where something always said that it never belonged to me .... It was true.... When missing it ... The Value is the most....

I was and am afraid of the attachments...
I was and am afraid of unfulfilled desires....
I was and am afraid of right and wrongs....

You are more Matured....

Never Afraid... 

I can only feel and say Sorry for not reciprocating what you needed....

May be it was good.... so that you could reach where you belong to, where your love belong to......

i am happy for you... But don't want to hide that something in me is not right...

A feel as if ..

The child has lost its mothers protection....
The Wandering Orphan who is feeling the Uncertainty in every step...
I have lost something permanently for my Life.... 

My last request to you...

Let this Letter not change your path...
As I still carry those fears...
May be i am still not matured enough to handle your precious love...

And let it reach the destination in the new path... In the lap of God... In the heart of God let your longing will find its destination.....

With Blessings and Prayers...