My father left this world…. Yes it was few months ago…..

Seeing of my father to the other World….

My father left this world…. Yes it was few months ago…..

As understood from astrologers he had few more years in this planet…

So even when he said “Do not go” I was so confident leaving him in the hospital and leaving to Chennai. He kept looking at me with tears in his eyes.  But touching his feet and sending a message to Gurudev to take care of him I left. I had to finish a program I had already committed for.  Thought of completing and coming back soon.  But was happy to hear news next day that he is doing better.  While In the last hour of the program I received a call citing emergency and had to rush back to Bangalore.  By the time I reached he was in ventilator and was not conscious. Still I never thought that the teary look I saw was the last I had seen him lively.  He had multiple complications in the last few days…

It all started with a small wound in the leg went unnoticed which apparently became worse enough that one of his finger had to be removed.  In this two to three months process his sugar level went uncontrollable.  My dad was always proud that he never got admitted in a hospital in his entire 79 years of life time.  He was a self-made man.  He had the Diabetic issue for last 36 years and due to his control of diet and discipline he won over it with minimal medication.  Some where he had given up in his mind in the last few weeks.  I could sense that. 

But It was the toll of three months on him his kidney got deteriorated.  By the time the doctors removed his toe finger and the wound was recovering the Kriyatin content in the body went up and whole body had swelled up too much.  The water entered in to the lungs and breathing was a big challenge and that worsened with the body waste not exiting naturally. 

Anyway while in the Ventilator when I called him he opened his eyes and looked at me and acknowledged that he recognised me.  Painful as a word is not enough to describe that scene.  I have handled many complicated hospital cases from my child hood maturely and bravely.  But in this case I was sobbing like a child.. Yes I was his child… He shared with me while in the hospital how he used to save money for us sacrificing many things in life.  He was a committed, disciplined, dispassionate soldier who fought the war with the world for his family to win.

There could be thousand flaws in his behaviour but purity in the heart and sincerity in the actions were always his qualities.  I had made the right choice of him as my father and I don’t know if he felt that I am the right son for him.  He was very proud of his children always… As children of a small shop keeper who strived to keep his family going with his day to day earnings we were good in studies and we did many things which made him proud.  But my doubt as whether I am his right son is only because in the last few years I chose to volunteer full time which he was not comfortable.

The ventilator and dialysis continued for few days without much results.  As time was running fast I thought of updating Gurudev about this.  I used to keep Gurudev updated about his condition from time to time.  In the evening one of the doctors said that we may have to decide next steps as the condition does not seems to be improving …. We asked them is there any where we could take our father so that he could recover.  They said chances were very bleak and even If it does it may take few months and it will be with some organs dysfunctional.

The Ventilator for few days had taken a toll already on the Insurance scheme we had and it was uncertain for how many days more.  The second doctor also said that now it is our call to continue in the ventilator or remove it and take him home.  How can I take a living person out of ventilator? The whole family was confused.  As usual I messaged Gurudev but he called back immediately from Cuba. It was reiterating that Guru is available for you when you need him even if HE is millions of miles away. I explained the entire scenario.  HE heard the whole thing and said “Don’t worry stop all the medicines and food.  Don’t give him anything”.  It was a thunder bolt in my years.  Only Guru could have given that confidence to me.  We gave the hospital the consent to remove him from the ventilator.  They said it will be only one or two hours max after that he may not live.  Requested the hospital management to keep him there as we did not have enough facility in the flat.  They refused. I told the paramedics in the ICU they agreed to help and without the consent of the management they brought him out of the ventilator in few hours.  To our surprise my father was breathing fine even though not conscious.  People gave ideas that he is healthy just that it may take few days to recover.  We got confused heavily again…. After few hours he was going normal. It was a difficult situation me waiting for my father to cross over…. I have waited for many things in life… This wait was painful, awkward and intense to the core.

Wondering and surrendering what to do, from nowhere the astrologer calls me and asks how I am.  I mentioned the whole situation and he said by evening or latest by early morning he should leave his body else for next 15 days no chance.  My mother, brother and I took him to a separate room in the hospital finally with the permission of the management.  Time passed… Evening passed.. I was awake the whole night… even the morning passed… The time the astrologer given also passed … it is more than 24 days and he is still going the same way.  With the uncertainty I took a nap for few hours. 

It looked like the Uncertainty itself was uncertain on what was happening.  Thoughts bombarded.. For next 15 days what to do ?? How to do?? Was feeling really bad to pray to God to take my father away.  Time was just snailing with the mind wanting to fly fast in to the future… We were in Bangalore and few days before got all the relatives from Palakkad, Kerala come and visit him as his condition was becoming worse. 

After the lunch in a call with the astrologer he said now only prayer can work.  But as Gurudev had told I was confident there may be something in the wait.  In the conversation with the astrologer he had advised that if some people are attached to their native place and people they will not leave the body unless they reach the place, people.  This struck the chord - my father has put his life in my native house, the little land around my house in Palakkad.  So we decided to take him to Palakkad.  In an hour decided to take him to Palakkad with the risk of anything happening on the way.

The hospital team came to say bye but did not know what to say as there was uncertainty in everyone’s eyes.  After admitting him in the same hospital for fourth time in a row everyone there knew him by now. Did not have time or a mind to say good bye. We started….

On the way I get a call from the astrologer again asking are you giving water to your father? He mentioned not giving water in the end of life is a considered a biggest sin.  It was another thunder bold.  We had not given him water last 36 hours.  Thinking out of ventilator only two hours he would survive and also when the water goes through the throat he was visibly suffocating doctor had said not to give water.  And in the panic we did not know what to do what not to do.. I immediately told my brother to start but came to know that my uncle had started the same some time back already… Gurudev was visibly doing everything.   With tears in my eyes I remembered that this life time was not enough to find out where all Gurudev is filling the gaps we have missed out.

With one of the heaviest rains ever I have seen, we reached Palakkad to our house filled with more than a hundred people waiting for him.  Oh God if we did not have him here all these people could not have seen him and more over he could not have seen them.  He responded to few close ones call and crying.  He opened his eyes little and shake a little and again slip in to unconscious state.  The initial emotional highs settled down in some time and the thought again came to my mind. What next?  Now the new challenge was if he is going to be here for at least 15 days then leaving him without food will be like denying someone to live.  Prayers continued but this time to take him to the other world without much pain.  I wondered a 36 hours ago everyone was praying for him to get well soon.  Relatives suggested there is a process by which the soul will leave the body happily and soon.  We decided to do the same in the morning by the time we had already crossed 48 hours out of ventilator.  This was one of the beautiful processes I have ever seen where every relative come and forgive him if they were hurt by his words/actions anywhere and also ask for forgiveness if they have done anything to hurt him knowingly/unknowingly.  The scene was very emotional where all of us his close relatives participated.. Waiting continued.. Prayers continued..

Meanwhile some enthusiastic and responsible relative got a doctor from somewhere and wanted to start medication.  I remembered Gurudev’s words to stop medication.  Starting again will only prolong the end.  I prayed as could not say anything because it had become the majority opinion by then.  The doctor came and looked at him and say not required.. Was such a reliever for me…

The rain stopped as if there was an order from someone.  All had lunch in the afternoon and once the last person also finished there was a sound from the room.  He was placed in the same room/bed he spend years.  All rushed to see the final sound and final actions.  Yes it was final.  HE opened his eyes very wide once and looked at everyone and then it subsided.  Seeing a life leave this planet was painful.. A life that never wanted to pain anyone and did not want anyone to have any discomfort.  A life that lived only for us….

I messaged Gurudev as if HE does not know the message. It was not showing delivered in my phone but by the time I got a call from secretariat that Gurudev was trying to reach you but could not. Wanted to convey to me that everything will be fine.  The call got disconnected receiving an sms that my account was credited with more than necessary money to handle the ceremonies. Many would have had a Guru in their life…but I don’t know if they would have one such… Gratefulness was a very very small word for what I experienced… This thought came to me… My father has not left me… My Guru has already taken that role and a much bigger role for me….

We completed all the final rites with peace and for his satisfaction. Completed some of his last wishes.  Had a 12 day rest and ended with a satsang to receive a call from my astrologer.  Your father is very happy there.  I knew it as my Guru had taken the charge…. A devotee is never alone… The Guru carries you all the way in the difficult times… My Master … Pranams … A million ones… Jaigurudev