Love Continues.. Life Continues.

This is my first Short story written for the Times of India ... A mix of real stories and imagination...

The Story that was never published and never rewarded...

Love Continues.. Life Continues..

It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.

I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend's wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn't know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.

I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.

She did not notice me.  Just kept silent and enjoyed that trigger.  It was thrilling? Exciting? Some Fear? But enjoyed the feeling.  Always wanted to know what is happening in her life. Never had the courage to call. I felt that same Love. But Yes the Intensity is more. Too high. There is a saying the separation increases the intensity of the Love.

After the Check-In she went and sat in the waiting lounge.  Felt like that the Nature is happy. Gods are happy. I was very very happy.  Realised that I was waiting. Somewhere my heart was waiting. My first love.  The purest ever happened and will happen in this life time. The first is always first and the best.

With my heartful i had a mindless check-in. With a little feverishness walked towards the seat and went and sat there without uttering a word. It took some moments to sink in the feeling. And when I looked at her it was a reunion of hearts. She was staring with broadened eyes wonder stuck.  There was a field of great energy and synergy there.  Why did I miss this these many years?

Just said Hai Priya. How are you ? The conversation moved on as if we have never been separate. Suddenly she asked how our common friend Seema was doing? The heart beating became fast and the mind went over the memories of the college days.

I remember clearly the day Priya came and asked me "Did you know that Seema loves you".  After a pause i said "No".  She did not say anything.  We spoke for a while and she left.  As decided earlier the next day I was waiting in the Chinese Restaurant, I had ordered a special dinner with a candle light on the table. Time passed. Not only i was waiting, even the waiters were waiting. When leaving the restaurant with heavy heart I did not know that everything will change. 

Seema was our classmate and common friend and she loved me a lot.  Seema and Priya were good friends from the school time.  But as I was already close with Priya, Seema refrained from expressing. I got to know about it a little late but it seems everyone in the class knew about this much before.  I was very friendly with her.  But she never expressed it openly and I never acknowledged it.  But somehow I was enjoying the vibrations of the love when she was around.  When someone really loves you, mind really soaks in the vibrations of it.  But true to myself and God i did not have anything more with her. Many days she gets food for me and shows affection in many ways. One day she tied a thread in my hand and said she had prayed for my wellbeing and gave me a tight hug and kiss on my forehead.  I was overwhelmed, little embarrassed but ignored it and moved on.

The next day was the question from Priya "Did you know that Seema loves you".  I did not have the courage to tell yes because Seema has never told me and i was also afraid of losing my love.  Only after leaving the restaurant with heavy heart when I inquired I understood someone have told Priya about the whole thing.  I did not know what to tell her and what not to tell her.  We never spoke about the incident so far in our life neither she asked me or i went to clarify her.  After this incident we could not meet much as there was few weeks of project work and we were in different places.  After showing some indifference for few days, finally she just communicated that this relationship will not work out and we have to move on in life.  For some reason i did not feel like telling anything or prove anything.  After the project work and few holidays we rarely had classes. The farewell was not fare for me and it was not all well. I thought my first love ended that way...

There were some unanswered questions then and now…

Did Priya and Seema spoke openly about me at all?

Finally why did they both lost me or I had to lose both of them?

My one year of relationship with Priya has ended just like that for what mistake of mine?

I still remember the first day ever when my leg touched her (Priya’s) leg in the lab there was a spark. Something that which was waiting to spark. I knew she liked me and she knew I liked her. But we never expressed. At that touch I refused to move my leg and we just kept looking at each other and her first expression was this “I knew one day you will be mine”.  By the time I was always hers and she was already mine.  We exchanged many letters and studies and love continued. Few times we went outside together but we were afraid someone will see us. It was a weekend special class that I got the first hug in my life she gave…  She cried and cried unable to hold the joy, excitement and security she felt.  In the corners and hides of the college I get touched sometimes. Ours was a very traditional and disciplined love for those days but it ended this way for whatever reason..

With a jerk my mind surfaced back to the present and I was quick to gather she was waiting for the answer. I said. “I have not met her or been in contact with her after we left the college”.  There was a brighter light in her face. I continued “I heard Seema fell in love with one of our classmates and they both left from home and married, and they have a kid now”. “I too heard” She said. I thought Priya would have understood my innocence but it would have been too late.  

Many things flashed in the mind while we spoke about our job, family, what we did in the last four years.

I secured a good job abroad for few years and returned for good in India.  Now working in an Indian company with a decent package.  She too is working in a good firm in Delhi.  During the discussions when she asked whether I was married I said "I have had few soft corners but nothing created an impact in my life and I was also too busy making money".  The final call to board the flight was heard and we rushed to make it.

We travelled together and the friend’s marriage went well.  For good or bad reasons Seema never came for the marriage.  Heard from some friend of her that in her life the initial blues were over and they were having a tough time getting the family going.  Priya and I were moving close in the reunion but still little formal.  Some spark was still there.  It continued even after coming back from Bangalore.  Messages continued.  Calls. Shared many things in between and she did mention that the relationship should not have ended so abruptly.  We could have spoken more etc. etc….

Life continued. We grew closer and closer but very mature relationship.  We never had to say that we are in love again but it was so obvious and natural.  It was nice to have not shared it and because when you share actually something gets spoiled. Did not notice that few years had passed by then…

One day I got a call and she said it is emergency and requested to reach to the nearby hospital.  She was alone in the lobby and was tensed and looked depleted.  When I rushed to her, with tearful eyes she just shared the report to me.  It was detected that she has cancer.  I had a spiral shock from the base of the spine.  Felt afraid, sympathetic and once again felt lost to the nature.  Kept the feelings aside and encouraged her to handle it with courage.  Convinced her to go back home and I preferred not to go home.  Thoughts went here and there and for the first time my commitment was shaken.  Should I say some reason and move away from her slowly.  For the first time I confronted the animal, or the opportunist, or the selfish me in me. Decided to anyway help her with this and took her to the Art of Living program.  This program had given me immense strength during my trips away from home physically, mentally and emotionally.  It worked she gained mental strength and told her parents and decided to go through it. 

I supported it throughout and now she is over with her treatments.  But in the process she lost her long hair, complexion and all visible attractions.  But I noticed in this period my commitment was high.  It was a journey from feelings to commitment. Is this not a true relationship?  For many it happens after marriage but for me I realised it has happened before.  Time tested it, and it has survived.  I suddenly got this flash in my mind.  I took few days off and went for a silence program with the Art of Living.  Coming out with clarity, I was searching for the Love, and I found it is still intense for her.  That day evening sitting in the side of a pond, suddenly I remembered I always fantasised of becoming a hero giving life to a girl who has some disabilities. Today I have a girl in front of me who needs a fresh life back.  With a firm decision in my mind I walked to home.

The next day first time in life I proposed her with all maturity and she was in tears and she refused out rightly.  She said I should have a better life and should move on.  Later when I was trying to convince her too hard, she dropped another bomb.  The doctor had told her that she can never have children in this life time.   This was another blow for me I almost fainted.  I was left with no words.  Is there anything above than commitment which God wants me to learn?  I left it for few days to find the answer.  And when I found the answer it was Love and Love only.  Feelings will change, Commitment may get broken and if true Love is there it will only grow by challenges, situations, and time.  I decided and told her my decision to marry her.  We then decided to tell our parents.  The Challenges stared there.  Even though their parents asked me to rethink they finally agreed.  I am sure they are happy for their daughter at least.  But when I introduced it slowly to my parents they got devastated and broke in to tears.  They cannot think of having such a girl coming to our house, more than that knowing that she cannot have a child they exploded.  Explosions are continuing at home now and then, but we are firm.  We are in a beautiful matured relationship now which grew up from feelings to commitment and to pure Love. It got tested by time and all possible factors in this planet but it is still going strong. 

We have decided that we will marry only with the blessings or our parents.  We are happily moving together in life waiting for the day they will bless us.  Again it is a game between our commitment and our parents Love..

But for this life time I have decided to be with her..  I have had learnings of a life time.  God had send this angel to me to teach me What is life.. What is love.. Grateful to her… Grateful to God…

Currently I have taken a sabbatical to do some social work in slums… This is for my love to this world and she helps me whenever she finds time.

Is Love blind? Love can only be blind otherwise it can never be Love. 

Is Love Unconditional? Love can only be Unconditional anything conditional is not Love.

Feel the Love…Commit to Love… Discover yourself…

Sometime the fear comes what if I lose the love for her later in my life. Ha.. the confidence says that I have learnt the journey from the feeling to commitment and to Love. It is a matter of climbing again.  I think this journey is so natural in life.  Everyone who has been successful in any relationship has climbed this or is climbing this every day/every hour/every minute.

Pray for us that we unite soon with the blessings of our parents. All who read this will be invited for the marriage..

Story Continues… Love Continues…. Life Continues…

One last thing to share You know why I think that she is the right choice for me.. Because,

She never asked me "Whether I love Seema .. She only asked whether you knew that Seema loves you"

She only decided to silently move away so that at least Seema finds her love with me.

Even with a heavy heart she will still allow me to marry someone else because she wants me to be better.

She respects the feelings of my parents and is waiting not knowing for how long she has to…

She finds joy in everything I do whether social service or any other interests I have.

And finally because she and I know that I am the only child she can ever have in this life time to love for this life time.….